"Pain"

Recently, I experienced a dramatic motorcycle accident.  Fortunately, with the exception of some rather grisly scratches and burns on my hands and arms, I walked away relatively unscathed.  The pain, however, of the accident has lingered both physically and emotionally.  Because I am unable to escape the discomfort of scabbing burns across my forearms, I have been forced to reflect on the ideology of pain.

I have decided that pain is not always bad.  It is, however, resultant of negative situations.  But, unlike roads to destinations, which are clearly right and wrong (ethical), and good or bad (moral), the objective itself is often more ambiguous.  Hypothesis: Pioneers traveling west will reach the West Coast.  If the covered wagons head east (in the “wrong direction”, ethically speaking), they will not reach the West Coast.  If they approach mountains and try to travel over the range (a “bad” decision, morally speaking), they will not reach the West Coast.  Thus, the means by which they travel hold significant ethical and moral implications.  However, the West Coast is neither good nor bad.  It is merely a destination, potentially blocked or reached depending on the route taken.  And, if the route leads to mountains, or the East Coast, neither destination is inherently wrong or bad, but rather a detour destined to clarify the correct path.  I see these alternative destinations analogous to pain. 

Pain allows us to reflect on mistakes made, on the good and bad road selection, and ultimately inspires us to determine the right path.  Life is so incredibly busy and preposterously convoluted with excessive minutia, we find ourselves annoyed when pain occurs.  The loss of a loved one, the breaking of our heart, the breaking of our arm, or the aching of our head all are perceived as something negative, when in reality, they are simply neutral results of a negative path forcing us to reexamine our own lives, relationships, choices, and desires. 

Advice:  The next time you experience pain, try to not focus on the destination, but the road that got you there.  See both physical and emotional pain as a reminder of our decisions.  If you only look at  the negative elements, you will undoubtedly never take the right road to reach the intended destination. 

"Manners"

It has come to my attention how incredibly ignorant the majority of men are to the basic rules of etiquette.   Manners are all but forgotten, and sadly, being a bestial and rude person in many circles is considered its own virtue.  I am consistently flabbergasted by the absurd behavior of my gender.  There was a time, not too long ago, when men would aggressively look for opportunities to showcase their manners.  Opening doors for others, giving up one’s chair, waiting to eat until after everyone is served, charming others with “please” and “thank you”, rolling up one's sleeves to help push a car in need of assistance, and all other chivalrous acts were embraced and pursued for the general sake of others.  Now, however, manners have been marginalized to decrepit lists of do’s and don’ts. 

            Instead of seeing manners as rule oriented, they should be viewed as a human privilege.  We get to be kind to others, and showcase polite behavior for the betterment of humanity.  We get to wave someone over into our lane during rush hour.  We get to practice acts of selflessness, giving back (whether or not deserved) to others.  We get to sacrifice our time, our resources, and our comfort.  I have never regretted giving up a chair, even if that means I’m uncomfortably sitting on the floor.  Nor have I ever regretted getting a little sweaty to help someone in need.  The fact is, we are inherently blessed by blessing others.  We receive the gift of satisfaction by giving to others.  Ultimately, manners are a way for men to re-define the nature of their environment, creating a tone that is both sophisticated and kind. 

           

Advice:  Look for opportunities to showcase kindness to humanity.  Give the gifts of your time, your resources, and your comfort.  Do not be content in mediocrity: instead, embrace excellence.  Define excellence as the active pursuit of bettering the world.  This pursuit of good manners is active, and requires a keen eye, but the results are satisfying for all parties involved.   

"Running"

I remember the first time I took a jog.  I went running on the beach with my dad when I was about 10 years old, and unlike the running I did as a kid, during a water gun fight, or a Nerf war, or playing baseball or football, this was a different kind of experience.  We went running for the sake of running.  The only thing gained from such an activity was the bi-products of a work out: burning of calories and fat, building of endurance, and increasing muscle mass.  Despite the many positive attributes, I recall feeling a certain level of disdain for running because the results were not immediate.  In a game like football, there is a winning side, a memory made, bragging rights, and tangible victory.  Running for the sake of the work out is a relative letdown.  However, the long term results of any kind of working out far surpasses the immediate satisfaction of a game.  The body is being prepared for something greater.  The daily routine yields not only a gradual change of physique, but also a noticeable change in character.  I now run for pleasure and integrity of self, no longer dreading the exhaust, but embracing the eventual benefits.  Maturity is grounded in the responsibility of preparation.  Working out prepares us for the many tasks and challenges we have yet to face.  Being stronger allows us to confidently defend the weak.  Being physically capable allows us to confidently protect those around us.  As men, working out ultimately allows us to be men.  It is the surplus ammo we keep for the moments we hope never happen.

Advice:  The next time you take a jog, imagine yourself pursuing someone who stole your girlfriends purse.  Imagine yourself running away from militant socialists taking over your city, and survival means you have another day to plan your rogue retaliation.  Imagine yourself running into battle, facing your enemies as men have done for centuries before us.

"Jeans"

  What ever happened to men taking pride in their personal style?  It is shocking to see just how poorly the male species tends to dress.  Even the most classically modern combination of male clothing, the t-shirt and jeans, has fallen prey to a lack of judgment.  Fortunately, there is an ethical way to wear these staples.  Here are some suggestions on jeans:

Jeans-Baggy jeans make men look shorter than they actually are. Boot-cut jeans create a disproportioned silhouette, and should only be worn when actually covering a boot (even then, the flare should be less than dramatic).  Skinny jeans only work for a man with skinny legs.  Wearing a slim-cut pair of jeans that fit at the waist and are cut straight down the leg with minimal fabric at the ankle will accentuate your height, create a classic silhouette, and ultimately complement your shoes.  The denim should be thick enough to ride a horse, but soft enough to ride a bike.  I prefer indigo-washed denim, and tend to shy away from light blue jeans, unless it is summertime.  During the summer months, nothing feels quite as classy as finishing a surfing session, drying off, and putting on a nice pair of light denim, paired with a simple cotton v-neck sweater with the sleeves rolled up just above the forearm and below the elbow, sitting on the sand, watching the sun set while sipping freshly brewed mango hot tea in a cup with a saucer, poured from a kettle heated over a camping stove.

"You Only Live Once"

An oft-repeated mantra in our current society is, “you only live once.”  This saying, of course is not by any standard “new” or “ground-breaking.”  For millenniums, human beings have acknowledged our mortality, self-proven by the certainty of our own deaths.  The pattern of our lives is consistent: our parents conceive us, we develop in our mother’s womb, we are born, we mature, we age, and we die.  The asyndetonic nature of our existence is exacerbated by the fact that we only get one try at each stage of our life.  Everything we decide and consequently act on is immediately finalized, becoming a piece of our own personal concrete history.  We are unable, as humans, to go back and fix any mistakes, or better any wrongs.  Rather, we are subjects to our own decisions, and forced to follow the paths we create by our actions. 

Sadly, the ethics associated with “only living once” have become both warped and perverted.  Warped because in theory, anytime something can only be done once, we would hope that it is executed correctly.  For instance, marriage should be a once in a lifetime event, and it is not uncommon to hear a bride exclaiming that she wants the wedding to be absolutely perfect.  What she means by perfect is that by strategic planning and conscientious decision-making, the outcome is without flaw.  The wedding is seamlessly weaved into the perfect day.  When a team has only one chance to face an opposing rival, the coach will often be heard saying, “Give it everything you’ve got.”  Everything in this case means to exert full effort, emotionally and athletically playing at an unsurpassed level.  Unfortunately, “you only live once” has evolved into ethically warped behaviors that do not promote perfection and hard work, but instead idealizes complete chaos and immaturity.  “Only living once” has become an excuse for wild behavior and fruitless activity.  The participation in drinking alcohol, drug-use, pre-marital sex, and general tom-foolery are excused by the idea that we only live once, and consequently should have as many possible experiences, good or bad, to in some way fulfill our human destiny.  This idea is perverse because the twisted nature of this social concept is ultimately destructive, yet nevertheless embodies the rules of warped ethics.  Logically speaking, there is nothing ethical in bad behavior.  It is an insult to ethics, the moral principles that influence our decisions, to call any kind of malevolent behavior imperative to our short existence. 

If you truly “only live once,” then, like a wedding, or a high-stakes athletic game, you should be conscientious in planning, positive in decision making, and ultimately effective in execution.  We should want our one chance at life to result in a masterpiece painting, laden with creative brush-strokes and significant purpose.  Instead, we marginalize our existence and choose to finger-paint rudimentary pictures of drunken nights, drug-induced highs, meaningless sensuality, and selfish antics, resulting in a hideous portrait of an un-realized self.  When ethics are perverted, life becomes a twisted mess of chaos, and when we take bad advice by supposedly knowledgeable individuals promoting the incredulous ideology of self-gratification, it is our lack of discernment that must be blamed.

Advice:

Live life completely aware that “you only live once.”  However, do not warp the ethical response to said mantra by trying to indulge in destructive behavior.  Instead, embrace conscientious living, careful of what you say, deliberate in what you do, grounding every decision in foundational wisdom.  Like our wedding day, our life should be without flaw, upstanding before God and man. Living only once should inspire desperation to get it right the first time, because we are not given the luxury of second chances.

"Talking"

How often should we talk?  Clearly, talking is important.  It is our primary way of communicating with each other.  We use our voices to create meaning, and to connect interpersonally.  The question, however, is not whether we should talk.  Rather, the question is how often we should talk.  Historically speaking, there have been times in human culture when silence was considered a virtue.  The man who weighed his words, and wisely thought about their response before speaking was more than respected.  He was trusted.  Temperance in speech creates a level of maturity that is appreciated by those around us.  It is sad to think that most never fully realize their potential to effectively communicate because they are too busy talking.

Advice:

Spend the entire day avoiding meaningless communication.  Quietly listen to those around you, and respond only when you have something of value to say.  If you are not sure whether what you are saying is valuable, then it is probably not valuable.  We as men spend so much of our lives trusting our instincts-which is just a fancy way of saying our impulses.  Instead, we should trust our reason-which is just a fancy way of saying our ability to think, process an idea, and then decide how to craft our responses.  Without a reason to speak, we should stay quiet.  Then, after thoughtful consideration, patience, and organized brilliance, we can create a noble response.